So as you all know, it's been Christmas recently. Christmas is hands down my fav time of year, everything about it just makes me happy. Every year when it comes to Christmas I always look back at what I was doing this time last year and this year looking back gave me so many mixed emotions, happy, sad, proud but most of all it made me think 'bloody hell Jade you are freeking amazing, what a difference a year makes' so much has changed in just one years time, I have achieved so much I feel in such a small space of time so I'm writing a blog post cos I'm proud!! I thought I'd compare my last two Christmas's...
Christmas 2011 - Woke up at Mums, like always at redic o'clock. Went down stairs with Jasmin my baby sis (I say baby but she's 17) and my baby Brother Jack (who also isn't a baby) and opened our present with my Mum and Step Dad Dave. Christmas morning was fine, until about 8am when I had my first panic attack, this wasn't anything new to me at this point, panic attacks were becoming the norm but on Christmas day, really?!!! This was the first of many that day. I was unable to eat any of my Christmas dinner because I felt so sick with anxiety, panic attack after panic attack and I was only with my family in my own home. I believe I was having panic attacks because after Christmas dinner me, my brother and sister were going to my dads house to spend the night with him and my Step Mum and all of her family, people I have known since I was 16, once again a normal thing to do but my anxiety was so bad I couldn't even leave my house to go to my own Dads house. So I missed out on Christmas dinner, didn't get to see my Dad at all Christmas day and spent the rest of the day on my own in bed as Chris my boyfriend was working in a hotel at the time. Thee worst Christmas I'd say!
Christmas 2012 - Once again woke up at my Mums house, yet again at redic o'clock. Went down stairs with my Brother and Sister and opened our presents with my Mum and Step Dad. Once we finished with our presents we got ready to go to my Dads house to spend the day with him and my Step Mum and family as we had Christmas dinner with Mum last year it was Dads turn :) I had no panic attacks at all about going to my Dads as it was a normal thing to do, I felt fine! We picked up my boyfriend Chris and we went to my Dads for Christmas dinner with my Dad, Step Mum, Step Brother and Sister, my Step Mums parents and her sister and partner and my baby Niece Nylah. We had our dinner, which I did get panicky about but Chris calmed me down and I was fine again, then we opened more presents well, Nylah my Niece opened her presents, it was her first Christmas so she got lots! Then spent the rest of the day playing games, the usual Christmas stuff. We went back to my boyfriends house about 9pm with my Sister and spent the rest of the night eating and watching tele - panic attack free!!!!!
So I went from spending my Christmas day on my own in bed to spending it with all my family, enjoying my Niece's first Christmas and having no panic attacks in just a year, hence the really cheesy smile picture, happy!
I know I said I have achieved a lot in such a short space of time and some of you may be thinking that's not achieving a lot, well to me it is. Going from not being able to leave your house to being able to leave the house is bloody massive and to be able to do that in just a year. I remember that Christmas in 2011 thinking I'm not going to be able to leave this house for years, I'm a prisoner in my own house but NO I proved myself wrong and in a years time I did it. I still have anxiety and I'm still not able to go out any where in public with out somebody with me but that's better than staying in every single day.
I even got to go out twice over the Christmas period, which made me extremely happy as I never have any plans or nights out ha so two nights was craaaaazy for me, one to celebrate my beautiful Cousins engagement and the other with two of my best friends from school. So all in all, I had a bloody good Christmas and it's made me super excited for this year, If I'm able to do what I've done in just a year, what am I going to be able to say this time next year!
I hope you all had an amazing Christmas also!!
A few pictures from my happy Christmas that make me smile!